


Long talks during a long waiting

by WonderRie



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I am higly upset their past incarnations have no character tag, I wanted to make it soft and cute but something went wrong I'm not sorry, M/M, anyway there're actually two ships and Alma can talk to his past self, like I know they have no names but I want them to be loved and considered characters haha, more like, that's what happens when a person can't draw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 12:38:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11921076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonderRie/pseuds/WonderRie
Summary: Some talk in the afterlife two persons who share one soul have.





	Long talks during a long waiting

She’s always known that waiting for someone is hard. Waiting is an unbearable feeling. Waiting is a longing of emptiness in the chest, which destroys your heart from one day to another.

Until it is broken into pieces, when you keep on waiting for someone, who is not going to come back.

Who will never be able to come back to you.

But she kept on waiting for him despite knowing he no longer exists under that cursed world's sky. She knew it had no sense, but there was nothing she could do to make herself stop waiting.

Because you do not break the promise of waiting forever just because the one you love is dead.

Because you do not break this promise just because your hope is dead.

You should never break this promise even if you're yourself no longer alive.

So she keeps on waiting here, in the blank space full of nothing - she never believed that afterlife would be a garden full of trees and birds’ singing like priests promised them at churches, so she was not surprised.

After all, she is not the one who deserves Heaven. Not after all that happened. So, maybe this empty space is a variant of Purgatory God created for her. Who cares anyway? This God had made her live a painful life of his apostle; this God broke her heart after taking away her beloved one.

The torture of waiting is the least she can be scared of, because she had to live with it until her breath stopped. And now she doesn't even need to breathe.

It took her long enough to realize, that she's not alone here. Not until someone's hand touches her shoulder carefully.

She turns her head to see who it is, and feels her heart aching even more than before.

Because that poor boy is here with her too.

_They called him Alma, didn't they?_

The boy looks at her silently, and she tries so hard not to avert her eyes. Because she feels too guilty. She feels herself so guilty for all the pain and bitterness of her heart this boy had to inherit and live through. No, even worse. She is the one to blame for Alma being hurt by his most precious person, isn't she?

If he hates her now, she understands it completely.

But Alma just walks around her silently, looking at her from all sides, so she felts weird, and just keeps on sitting, nervously gripping the fabric of her long skirt. She can't see hatred in the boy's big rounded eyes, but she still can't understand what his unwavering gaze means.

Finally, Alma stops walking and breaks the silence with an awkward shy smile.

"You really are beautiful after all."

The girl blinks in surprise. "Sorry, what?"

"I'm telling the truth, don't look at me like that!" The boy's small giggle makes her feel even weirder, but also makes her heart warm a little. "Now I can understand why he remembered you."

She should have expected these words, but they are still so hard to swallow. She tries to look into the boy's eyes and to apologize, but it seems that it's all on her face, because Alma says immediately: "No-no, I'm not angry at you, not anymore, it's not your fault! I just... wanted to know more."

He sits near her; his shoulders are still nervously shrugged. He looks like a small bird who can't fly yet, his ruffled hair reminds her of feathers. It tightens girl's heart with pain.

_For goodness sake, these boys were so young, why the Order had to do this to them?!_

"I remember nothing about being you," Alma starts, and his voice trembles like a leaf in the wind. "N-no, I am not _you_ , but I should have your memories because they made me to use your Innocence, so _you're not me,_ but we... Oh no, it's weird."

He sighs deeply, and girl can't help it but laughs a little bit at his puffed cheeks.

"There! You're smiling finally!" Alma's eyes brighten as he turns to her. "Yuu loved your smile... N-no, I mean, _it's not Yuu_ , but the man Yuu was _before_ , so Yuu has some of his memories, but he's still... Damn, why is it so dumb to explain?" He shrieks and blushes so hard, that the girl sees even his ears going pink.

"Don't worry, I've got that you meant," she answers finally, trying to sound as kind as you should be while talking to children. Maybe, she really wanted children that much that in her afterlife she's got an opportunity to get close with one.

Their situation is really weird anyway, but Alma smiles back at her, and she notices that his shoulders are more relaxed now. That's good.

"I mean... I don't remember what kind of person you were. I don't remember your personality, and have no idea about your name too..." he keeps on talking, his fingers play automatically with white fabric of her sleeve, but she doesn't mind it. "And... I don't remember _him_ too."

The girl nodes silently, not daring to interrupt Alma's speech. Or maybe it hurts too much to speak about him. Maybe it's hard for her to realize that all of their memories were destroyed by the Order. All of her love was thrown away like a trash.

Or?...

"But I remember how much you loved him!"

She stops (though she doesn't have to do it anymore) breathing for a second and grabs Alma's hand.

"You don't have to..."

"But I did remember anyway! You loved him so so so much," the boy's smile is sad and weak, but also unbearably gentle. Maybe it's because he knows all of the feelings raised in her heart at this moment.

They are two parts of the same coin after all.

"He had such a good smile," Alma adds and his voice is so warm that it could melt ice. "So I know for sure, you loved each other so much, that I and Yuu remembered it."

There's no snow or rain, but the girl still feels water on her face. Oh, wait, it's just her tears.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry!" the boy apologizes immediately, nervously, but she just shakes her head, while whipping her face.

"It's fine. Our love hurt you both so much, you have nothing to apologize about," she mutters, smiling weakly. Alma looks at her and she sees in his eyes how much he does not agree.

"It was the Order, who hurt us, not you," he answers finally with an angry voice. And he's right. The girl sighs.

 She will never be able to put in words all of her bitter and sad feelings towards the Order. Because, after all...

"Did you two meet each other because you were exorcists?"

She nodes faster than she realizes it and can't help but smile.

"Then, I understand you... I also meet Yuu, because of the Order," Alma smiles in return and all of his anger suddenly disappear. No. The reason is him talking about that boy, who inherited the Innocence of her beloved one.

"I wonder, if Yuu woke up because he wanted to fulfill the promise with you," Alma says it with a forced smile, and the girl feels his jealousy as if it was her own. "After all, that man loved you so much, that Yuu remembered it, so..."

"No, you're wrong."

She takes Alma's fists in her hands, gently rubbing them. He's not alone anymore, and she has never been his rival or enemy.

"Yuu woke up because he felt that you're waiting for him. You waited for so long, didn't you?"

Alma doesn't answer but nodes with tears streaming down his redden face, as he holds her with uncontrollable sobbing and crying. So she holds him back, carefully patting his hair.

"I'm sorry, I was so afraid, that I hurt your soul," he mutters through weeping, but she only shakes her head and embraces him tighter.

"That's your soul too, dummy," she answers softly.

They are two lives of one soul after all. And they should be there for each other.

So their waiting for their beloved ones won't get sad or lonely anymore.

"Can you tell me more about that person?" Alma asks with curiosity after he calms down. His eyes are still wet and red from tears, but his voice is clear and cheerful. So he shakes he shoulders and pleads. "Please-please-please, I really want to know more!"

"I don't even know where I should start..." she averts her glance, feeling her cheeks warming. She's never been used to talk about her feelings with someone else.

But now she'll have to learn now.

"Well then, let me guess..." Alma suggests happily, and starts his guessing as if they're discussing what they should have for launch. "I clearly remember him being handsome! Like, he's not as handsome as Yuu, but still..."

 _That's a good start_ , the girl notes to herself, laughing at Alma's proudly puffed cheeks. The boy understands it as an aprove and claps his hands with a wide smile.

"And... Tell me, did he too behave sometimes as if he's the dumbest person ever?"

This question makes her blink in confusion, but after a few moments of trying to be honest to herself, she makes herself to answer.

"... Yes."

The empty space gets filled with their mixed laughter. And waiting doesn't hurt the girl's heart anymore.

Maybe it was painful before because of hope, that couldn't be fulfilled. But now she doesn't need hope. She has no doubt anymore. They just have to wait for some more time.

After all, Alma claims that his Yuu is the most stubborn person in the whole world, and she, remembering all of the time spent with that person, wonders if it's inherited in a spiritual level.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if that was weird to read, I had water in my eyes while writing it....
> 
> You know, I've always wanted some kind of comic or strip about Alma asking his past self what kind of person past!Kanda was (and that "Was he really stupid sometimes?" "... Yes" talk, ha-ha), but, as I can't draw, I decided to write it and got to invested (as always). But I'm very happy about how it went out. I really enjoyed the opportunity to share my big feelings about past!Yulma, we know so little about them, but my heart hurts over them so much...
> 
> Thank you for your attention, I hope you liked it ^^


End file.
